Whining and talking about "woe is me" is really boring, but I have to relate my life events over the past couple of weeks in an half-hearted, comedy of errors attempt to take the Schleprock crown from Ms. Miller:
1) I was lucky enough to be sent to Verona, Italy for work. However, the Italian men printers were not feelin' bossy broads from New York making demands about schedules. Italian men, in fact, do not respond well to any pushiness, or mouthy chicks. V Magazine #38 gets done, but not without drama.
2) Rome. Rome is really great, amazing, an education in itself, but sullied by the fact that my hotel is dirty (someone's old green sock was in my room for my entire stay) and the fact that when I go to check out, my debit card will not work in an ATM or a credit card machine, although I have used it for 8 days without a problem. I am threatened with jail by the hotel owner if I don't pay up, and basically read the riot act about what a scumbag I am. So I cry, and they let me leave so I can make my plane, but in the process leave my work laptop at the hotel.
3) I get back to JFK. My car of the past 6 years dies an inglorious death in the long-term parking lot, is towed out and given to charity.
4) The computer is still not returned by hotel who apparently are holding it hostage because I am a deadbeat.
5) A former flame who blew me off a year ago spams me and cyber-stalks me in the same week. Hey brainiac -- turn on that "make me invisible to other users" feature!
6) I buy a new coat from Bluefly.com that I don't like and return for a refund. The package goes missing in mail. Total loss = $256
7) A tall, cute 25-year-old boy invites me to hang out, says he'll wait for me, and then disappears while I am in the bathroom. Another sometimes-more-than-friend stops returning my calls or speaking to me with no explanation, and thus transforms into a rude jackass.
8) I get sick and lose my voice for three days.
9) The laundromat loses a lingerie bag containing my best bras and underwear, plus three of my favorite shirts. Total loss = $400.
10) Pony the cat gets so sick that I am convinced I will come home and find him dead. I take him to the vet twice, force feed him pills, and listen to him to continue to wheeze and struggle to breathe. Pony is still sick...perhaps the hypo-allergenic cat has asthma, says the vet. Der. Total cost to date = $425
11) It now gets dark at 6pm.
12) And my work computer is still in Rome.
On a positive note, I was taken to a delicious "does this absolve me of all fault?" dinner at Peter Luger's, have reconnected lately with some friends I haven't seen in awhile, and had a ball going to 2005 Breeder's Cup at Belmont, winning $125 on the Sprint (although ending up $80 down for the day) and playing tour guide for some fellows in from London/Ireland. Plus, the Xmas trip to Vieques is booked. I do have high hopes about my new acupuncturist, and trainer. We'll see how long this being healthy thing works. I'll probably break my leg.
No comments:
Post a Comment